Cinematic

It was a cinematic Saturday because I felt I was out of place when I visited the hipped area of S.F. The phase “out of place” may sound negative, but it doesn’t mean that I didn’t enjoy my day at all. It only meant that I was living in a cinematic life, which I wrote the script, staged myself, and filmed the day. I was trying to pursue a living style that may not suitable for me. What is suitable for me anyway? This is the question I keep asking myself recently. What is my ideal way of life? One of my coworkers told me that I was in my golden time right now. If this is the case, how come I feel lost? Actually, I can answer all my questions above. I am weaker and have lower self-esteem than before.

Summoning back the memory of my childhood, I was such a confident and easy going child. I especially value the memory of my summer time in Oxford, England. That is the first time I was far away from home and had a small self-discovery trip. On the vast meadow at one of the Oxford colleges, I walked by myself and enjoyed the warm sun. I remember that it was the first week that I arrived in this foreign town. A voice in my head told me that I had to do something instead of just wondering on the grass. Then, I heard a group of delighted people behind the brushes. A girl walked from behind and headed to my direction. She didn’t look at me and walked pass. A strange thought came to my mind, and I followed her from behind. Before I knew what I was about to do, I already called out on her. She turned around, and we looked at each other awkwardly. Then, I said, “Can I join you guys?”. She smiled at me and welcomed me warm-heartedly. In the end, I joined this friendly group of people for a few days. Then, I was blessed to meet more people from different parts of the world. Of course, I have up and down moments throughout the summer in Oxford, but I enjoyed my life with passion. I was such a confident and happy person at that time.

I wish that I still have the same person who is confident and strong.